–Today, I worked with another server I have not worked with before. He made all kinds of smooth talk with his tables, joked around, etc. I overheard very little of it, but I witnessed enough to silently reflect to myself how repelled I am towards people like that. In fact, I might say I had an immediately dislike of him, because to me it seemed cocky and arrogant.

–On a related note, I have to follow another server next week to get “the flow” of things at O. Mostly, they want me to observe another server interact with his/her tables, see how they “click” (their words).

–It is true that I lack food and wine knowledge, which leads to a lack of confidence. But it really is against my nature to… just talk, I guess. Which is what servers are expected to do.

–That’s fair.

–But now that I have to deal with how that relates to me. Meaning I am now in the position where I have to consistently pull polite, insincere banter out of my ass. At the same time, I hate doing that and it is not one of my strengths. And it’s stupid, and in the end is my fault, in that I should just recognize that I shouldn’t be a server in the first place. And there is nothing wrong with being the type of person who shouldn’t be a server, so I shouldn’t kick myself over it.

– I’m saying that I shouldn’t have to feel unlikeable because I’m disinclined to “talk about the weather” (their words). But I guess I have to decide what I want to do about my job. My managers are assuming I want to start making polite, insincere banter, and that I would enjoy it once I started. This is not the case. The problem is, I do enjoy making $200/week working 3 or four short shifts.

–So, I have several conflicting thoughts:

1. Quit

2. Maybe banter isn’t as horrible on the outside as it feels on the inside.

3. How would I feel about myself if I became completely fake and flirty?

4. Am I even able to get over myself enough to be completely fake and flirty?

5. I don’t think I have the appropriate personality to be myself in front of tables. I mean, it wouldn’t be an improvement from lacking confidence.

– Part of it is me, I guess. My approach is wrong; they want me to “pick up a few lines” (their words), to use on my own tables. I was immediately turned off by the idea. It’s a reality of serving though, and I already knew that. Your tables will make the same remarks, and the same jokes, and you may as well figure out a clever comeback for each remark and repeat it day after day. To try and escape that and only make genuine conversation is probably the wrong way to go about things. People want someone to talk to them, and a server is just a machine to the dispenses comments and so on.

–Personally, I don’t like it when servers try to get friendly with me. I feel like I’m being milked for my money (because I am). But that’s just me.

–I’ll think about it some more. Leave a comment.

–Edit:  I was really tired when I wrote this, so it’s pretty incoherent.