Diane’s Fashion Corner: Eyewear Edition

– For roughly the past 8 years, I’ve gotten a new pair of eyeglasses without fail from EyeMasters. They promise glasses in 1 hour, but have never made good on this offer (it’s not a guarantee, after all). So why do I am I so loyal to EyeMasters? It’s because they are cheap. There is absolutely no reason why metal and plastic and a basic, non-fancy lens should cost up to and including $300.

–This year, just as the paint begins to chip off my current specs, I learned about the joys (and tribulations) of ordering eyeglasses online. Some sites offer a full pair of prescription eyeglasses for as low as $8. Not only that, but they are halfway decent pairs. The “catch” being that they are made overseas (go figure) and shipped to your front door. So, if you don’t mind supporting US dependence on foreign imports as much as you mind a 3,000% markup (do the math), then I would say that buying eyeglasses online is a promising alternative.

–Well, I guess there is a real catch. Two real catches, in fact. First is the obvious inability to try on the glasses in-person (something I got over rather quickly). The second a somewhat shady customer service policy. The bastards are in Hong Kong, you got a pair of incorrectly-made eyeglasses — what are you going to do? I’m not saying it’s impossible to get some kind of reimbursement, but it’s likely not going to be satisfactory.

–I took the plunge anyway. Reading reviews of these sellers revealed that many of them happily ordered their discount eyeglasses and were pleased with the products they recieved.

–I went with these:

–The grand total (including shipping, hi-index and anti-reflective, etc., etc. lenses): $43.80. I just put in the order today, but hopefully, I’ll have a good report about them in a week or so, when they come in.

–Yes, this was a little bit more than $8, but even a penny-pincher like myself firmly believes that the perfect pair of glasses is worth more than the cost of a large burrito. Why? Because glasses have to power to accentuate our faces and make a statement. The other day, I saw a man with plastic frame eyeglasses which were almost clear. Not unlike these:

–I had to choice but to stare at him admiringly from a distance for an uncomfortably long amount of time. Not only were they a flattering shape for his face, but they were so different. So modern. So chic. HOWEVER, the last thing I’m doing is recommending these glasses for everybody. One of the gifts and curses of eyeglasses is that you have to find the pair that is right for you. Your glasses have to say what you want them to say and still look good sitting on your nose.

–So, getting back to , why this pair? Well, I had seen a pair similar to these in my local EyeMasters and was immediately repulsed. Something about the way the lens separated from the framed just seemed so “showy”. I wanted a stylish frame, but nothing weird. But when I finally got myself to throw them on, I was pleasantly surprised. The look was completely unexpected; the frames were unobtrusive lines accenting my eyes and hardly drew any attention at all. On the other hand, when you took a good look at the uniqueness of the frame you kind of thought to yourself “hey that’s cool”. My face felt more opened up, where many [perfectly attractive] eyeglasses have a tendency to close off your face. I had done the heavy frames before, and I was ready for a change.

–I see frames such as these going places. Something about them was chic, and almost futuristic. It was a neat effect, and even if the style doesn’t become popular soon, you really can’t go wrong with them — they looked good, and that’s all you need.

–My second option was the type of frame with the very wide earpieces. To be more specific, they were these: . The style is very popular in Europe right now and I’m practically certain they will be equally popular in the United States very soon. They are flattering, but bold and very modern. On the Nerd-Chic scale for glasses, they probably lean more on the chic side without losing the faux-intellectual quality. But as flattering as traditional nerd-frames can be, I wanted to try and be ahead of the curve.

–The most common mistake for people who wear glasses is probably: I don’t really want people to think I’m wearing glasses. As a result, they buy a light-colored, possibly semi-rimless, shiny wire frames, hoping it will blend in to their faces somehow…. Maybe.…

–Nope, still there.

– The trick to looking great in glasses isn’t pretending they are not there, but rather embracing them. Make a statement, We’re here. We’re astigmatic. Get used to it. Bold glasses portray confidence, style, and usually an bookish-but-endearing intellectualism (see: Lisa Loeb).

What Diane Recommends: Thick frames (you don’t have to go too thick though), thick earpieces, dark or daring colors, matte metal, rectangular shape. Plastic frames.

Stay Away From: Round wire frames. Even rounded rectangular wire frames. Gentlemen, may be tempting, and I know you have no idea how to pick out glasses. Hell, those don’t even look that bad. Sadly, however, not only are those frames meek and boring, but they also peaked around the late 90’s. What year is it now? 2008? You’re about 10 years behind, honey. Go for the gusto.

would be flattering on almost any face. And to prove I’m not biased towards half-rim frames, type frames are a great option that’s still somewhat “safe”, for those of you who are afraid of fashion. Personally, I love .

–The point I’m getting at is this: glasses are an accessory. But they are an accessory that definitely makes a statement about the wearer and unlike a purse or a bracelet, they can actually make you look more attractive. No, getting a boring my-mom-chose-these-for-me frame will probably still look fine on you. On the other hand, you are denying yourself and opportunity for WOW. You’ll look great, you’ll feel great and more people will want to have sex with you. How could you lose?

–So go forth and look for bold pairs of glasses, get ahead of the fashion curve and stand out.

–And when in doubt, ask Diane for help.

* except for the clear glasses, which I google image searched, all the frames I displayed cost less than $50 with lens.

Linky poos: Zenni Optical, Optical4Less, Goggles4u, EyeBuyDirect, 39DollarEyeglasses.

I did it for Art

–  Life can imitate art.

– When some people are cheated on, when they are lied to.  When they are told that their boyfriends are going on a trip with “some friends” when “some friends” means one 19-year-old girl whom he convinced was single so that he could go party with college students when he’s almost 26 years old — when that happens, some people just take it like a normal person.  They cry.  They get over it.  The event just fades away into the millions of instances of betrayal and deceit that are a part of our lives.

–When people complain about the state of our world, and society, they are talking about how commonly this occurs, how often we let it slide by.  How there is no justice for this, only tolerance.

–Some wouldn’t call it “justice” though.  Pettiness, wrath, spite are all apt terms as well… depending on how you view things.

–But you know what a story is?  A story is when something like this happens, and it doesn’t just fade away into the ocean of tragic events that happen to good people.  A story is when something else happens.  And that’s what makes us want to know about  it.  People can live normal, rational lives, but good stories do not come from normal, rational decisions.  So we can look at our choices and resign ourselves to the tragedy of the mundane, or you can make art.

– Sometimes we do things because we want a story to tell; this is not one of those instances.  This is a time when we will not give in to everday shit.  There is a time when you will want to stand up and say, I am not going to be a victim today.  I am going to be a hero today.

– Maybe not “hero” like Superman.  Not someone who necessarily does “heroic” things.  But someone who won’t accept living an ordinary life.  Someone who takes ordinary things like a lying boyfriend and makes it into something with real substance.  Not a hero in a folk tale, but the hero or heroine of a novel.  Someone who does things worth hearing about.

–Yeah, I know our lives aren’t stories.  I know they’re not novels.  They’re not art.

– But if sometimes, we added our own justice, our own impulsive decisions, and our own crazy adventures, maybe they could be just a little less ordinary.

–It’s almost 5 am and I can’t sleep.

–I am probably not going to do anything drastic.  But I’m just letting you know.

…

I’m fuming.