–This year, just as the paint begins to chip off my current specs, I learned about the joys (and tribulations) of ordering eyeglasses online. Some sites offer a full pair of prescription eyeglasses for as low as $8. Not only that, but they are halfway decent pairs. The “catch” being that they are made overseas (go figure) and shipped to your front door. So, if you don’t mind supporting US dependence on foreign imports as much as you mind a 3,000% markup (do the math), then I would say that buying eyeglasses online is a promising alternative.

–Well, I guess there is a real catch. Two real catches, in fact. First is the obvious inability to try on the glasses in-person (something I got over rather quickly). The second a somewhat shady customer service policy. The bastards are in Hong Kong, you got a pair of incorrectly-made eyeglasses — what are you going to do? I’m not saying it’s impossible to get some kind of reimbursement, but it’s likely not going to be satisfactory.

–I took the plunge anyway. Reading reviews of these sellers revealed that many of them happily ordered their discount eyeglasses and were pleased with the products they recieved.

–I went with these:

–The grand total (including shipping, hi-index and anti-reflective, etc., etc. lenses): $43.80. I just put in the order today, but hopefully, I’ll have a good report about them in a week or so, when they come in.

–Yes, this was a little bit more than $8, but even a penny-pincher like myself firmly believes that the perfect pair of glasses is worth more than the cost of a large burrito. Why? Because glasses have to power to accentuate our faces and make a statement. The other day, I saw a man with plastic frame eyeglasses which were almost clear. Not unlike these:

–I had to choice but to stare at him admiringly from a distance for an uncomfortably long amount of time. Not only were they a flattering shape for his face, but they were so different. So modern. So chic. HOWEVER, the last thing I’m doing is recommending these glasses for everybody. One of the gifts and curses of eyeglasses is that you have to find the pair that is right for you. Your glasses have to say what you want them to say and still look good sitting on your nose.

–So, getting back to , why this pair? Well, I had seen a pair similar to these in my local EyeMasters and was immediately repulsed. Something about the way the lens separated from the framed just seemed so “showy”. I wanted a stylish frame, but nothing weird. But when I finally got myself to throw them on, I was pleasantly surprised. The look was completely unexpected; the frames were unobtrusive lines accenting my eyes and hardly drew any attention at all. On the other hand, when you took a good look at the uniqueness of the frame you kind of thought to yourself “hey that’s cool”. My face felt more opened up, where many [perfectly attractive] eyeglasses have a tendency to close off your face. I had done the heavy frames before, and I was ready for a change.

–I see frames such as these going places. Something about them was chic, and almost futuristic. It was a neat effect, and even if the style doesn’t become popular soon, you really can’t go wrong with them — they looked good, and that’s all you need.

–My second option was the type of frame with the very wide earpieces. To be more specific, they were these: . The style is very popular in Europe right now and I’m practically certain they will be equally popular in the United States very soon. They are flattering, but bold and very modern. On the Nerd-Chic scale for glasses, they probably lean more on the chic side without losing the faux-intellectual quality. But as flattering as traditional nerd-frames can be, I wanted to try and be ahead of the curve.

–The most common mistake for people who wear glasses is probably: I don’t really want people to think I’m wearing glasses. As a result, they buy a light-colored, possibly semi-rimless, shiny wire frames, hoping it will blend in to their faces somehow…. Maybe.…

–Nope, still there.

– The trick to looking great in glasses isn’t pretending they are not there, but rather embracing them. Make a statement, We’re here. We’re astigmatic. Get used to it. Bold glasses portray confidence, style, and usually an bookish-but-endearing intellectualism (see: Lisa Loeb).

What Diane Recommends: Thick frames (you don’t have to go too thick though), thick earpieces, dark or daring colors, matte metal, rectangular shape. Plastic frames.

Stay Away From: Round wire frames. Even rounded rectangular wire frames. Gentlemen, may be tempting, and I know you have no idea how to pick out glasses. Hell, those don’t even look that bad. Sadly, however, not only are those frames meek and boring, but they also peaked around the late 90′s. What year is it now? 2008? You’re about 10 years behind, honey. Go for the gusto.

would be flattering on almost any face. And to prove I’m not biased towards half-rim frames, type frames are a great option that’s still somewhat “safe”, for those of you who are afraid of fashion. Personally, I love .

–The point I’m getting at is this: glasses are an accessory. But they are an accessory that definitely makes a statement about the wearer and unlike a purse or a bracelet, they can actually make you look more attractive. No, getting a boring my-mom-chose-these-for-me frame will probably still look fine on you. On the other hand, you are denying yourself and opportunity for WOW. You’ll look great, you’ll feel great and more people will want to have sex with you. How could you lose?

–So go forth and look for bold pairs of glasses, get ahead of the fashion curve and stand out.

–And when in doubt, ask Diane for help.

* except for the clear glasses, which I google image searched, all the frames I displayed cost less than $50 with lens.

Linky poos: Zenni Optical, Optical4Less, Goggles4u, EyeBuyDirect, 39DollarEyeglasses.

– When some people are cheated on, when they are lied to.  When they are told that their boyfriends are going on a trip with “some friends” when “some friends” means one 19-year-old girl whom he convinced was single so that he could go party with college students when he’s almost 26 years old — when that happens, some people just take it like a normal person.  They cry.  They get over it.  The event just fades away into the millions of instances of betrayal and deceit that are a part of our lives.

–When people complain about the state of our world, and society, they are talking about how commonly this occurs, how often we let it slide by.  How there is no justice for this, only tolerance.

–Some wouldn’t call it “justice” though.  Pettiness, wrath, spite are all apt terms as well… depending on how you view things.

–But you know what a story is?  A story is when something like this happens, and it doesn’t just fade away into the ocean of tragic events that happen to good people.  A story is when something else happens.  And that’s what makes us want to know about  it.  People can live normal, rational lives, but good stories do not come from normal, rational decisions.  So we can look at our choices and resign ourselves to the tragedy of the mundane, or you can make art.

– Sometimes we do things because we want a story to tell; this is not one of those instances.  This is a time when we will not give in to everday shit.  There is a time when you will want to stand up and say, I am not going to be a victim today.  I am going to be a hero today.

– Maybe not “hero” like Superman.  Not someone who necessarily does “heroic” things.  But someone who won’t accept living an ordinary life.  Someone who takes ordinary things like a lying boyfriend and makes it into something with real substance.  Not a hero in a folk tale, but the hero or heroine of a novel.  Someone who does things worth hearing about.

–Yeah, I know our lives aren’t stories.  I know they’re not novels.  They’re not art.

– But if sometimes, we added our own justice, our own impulsive decisions, and our own crazy adventures, maybe they could be just a little less ordinary.

–It’s almost 5 am and I can’t sleep.

–I am probably not going to do anything drastic.  But I’m just letting you know.

–On a related note, I have to follow another server next week to get “the flow” of things at O. Mostly, they want me to observe another server interact with his/her tables, see how they “click” (their words).

–It is true that I lack food and wine knowledge, which leads to a lack of confidence. But it really is against my nature to… just talk, I guess. Which is what servers are expected to do.

–That’s fair.

–But now that I have to deal with how that relates to me. Meaning I am now in the position where I have to consistently pull polite, insincere banter out of my ass. At the same time, I hate doing that and it is not one of my strengths. And it’s stupid, and in the end is my fault, in that I should just recognize that I shouldn’t be a server in the first place. And there is nothing wrong with being the type of person who shouldn’t be a server, so I shouldn’t kick myself over it.

– I’m saying that I shouldn’t have to feel unlikeable because I’m disinclined to “talk about the weather” (their words). But I guess I have to decide what I want to do about my job. My managers are assuming I want to start making polite, insincere banter, and that I would enjoy it once I started. This is not the case. The problem is, I do enjoy making $200/week working 3 or four short shifts.

–So, I have several conflicting thoughts:

1. Quit

2. Maybe banter isn’t as horrible on the outside as it feels on the inside.

3. How would I feel about myself if I became completely fake and flirty?

4. Am I even able to get over myself enough to be completely fake and flirty?

5. I don’t think I have the appropriate personality to be myself in front of tables. I mean, it wouldn’t be an improvement from lacking confidence.

– Part of it is me, I guess. My approach is wrong; they want me to “pick up a few lines” (their words), to use on my own tables. I was immediately turned off by the idea. It’s a reality of serving though, and I already knew that. Your tables will make the same remarks, and the same jokes, and you may as well figure out a clever comeback for each remark and repeat it day after day. To try and escape that and only make genuine conversation is probably the wrong way to go about things. People want someone to talk to them, and a server is just a machine to the dispenses comments and so on.

–Personally, I don’t like it when servers try to get friendly with me. I feel like I’m being milked for my money (because I am). But that’s just me.

–I’ll think about it some more. Leave a comment.

–Edit:  I was really tired when I wrote this, so it’s pretty incoherent. 

–Sigh. What am I doing with my life?

–I’m pretty sure Jason likes other girls.

If featured a skeleton receiving a blowjob.

That is all.

__ When you decide you will likely never be in a serious relationship

__ When you no longer enjoy or look forward to the company of that person

– So today, to combat my ignorance, I took an online quiz to figure out which presidential candidate I with whom I best “match up”. The results:

Bill Richardson: 82% similarity

Hillary Clinton: 73% similarity

Barack Obama: 73% similarity

–Well, fuck.

– So from there, I guess it goes to whoever I feel will do a better job at getting what I want done. How am I supposed to do that?

– Personal attachment has little to do with it.

– I think I might just like Hillary. She just seems like someone who would do well at things. That is a poor reason to vote, though.

– Second of all, what is up with the “deadline for withdrawal” in Iraq? Call me a bad Democrat, but it seems like it’s just not that simple to pull out. Maybe I misunderstand what they mean by “timetable for withdrawal”, but seems to me that we made a mess in Iraq, and now it’s up to us to clean it up. To have all the troops pulled out by a certain, arbitrary date seems irresponsible and dangerous. Unless by “timetable” they mean a set of steps to achieve towards making Iraq a self-functioning country. You know, like a strategy. That way, there would be an end in sight, but we wouldn’t be leaving Iraq high and dry. We don’t know how long that will take.

–I don’t know. It seems too simple to just leave and let the country go to shit so we can be in the same situation it was when we left. I don’t know.

– In related news, Guiliani would make a terrible president and I would seriously fear for this country.

—- Oscar Wilde

– Hey? Remember gaucho pants? Or have you successfully repressed that terrible beginning to 2007? Comfortable? I’ll bet, at at some point, you have to ask yourself, at what cost?

– Counterpoint: Gaucho pants hide wide hips, thighs and balance topheavy frame

– Point: They make short legs looks shorter.

– Subpoint: They look stupid.

–Luckily, that fad lasted as long the stitching of the stretch poly/nylon blend could handle being snagged in doorways. We can’t latch on to every fad, only to have to toss out our clothes six months later, when we’ve come to our senses. To avoid fashion victimization, we need to be able to analyze trends and be able to pick out the things we’ll be won’t later be ashamed of.

– One major red flag: anyone over the age of 21 would look ridiculous wearing this. Leggings? Adorable… if you’re six years old. The most startling thing is how popular they are becoming, for both tots and pre-adults. If you are not dressed in something you could wear as a full-grown adult, then you a fashion victim. Period.

–Grown women on the left, children and a doggie on the right:

– Think about it, little girls need leggings because they have to move about without exposing their crotches in public. This shouldn’t be an issue after 12 years old. So that should be a good cutoff age for this item.

– But enough with the bad. Let’s talk about the good. Let’s start off with something I absolutely resented when they first came out: Skinny jeans. See, when skinny jeans first came out, I thought,

Shit, I’m short, I have wide hips and I plan on wearing a shirt. Skinny jeans are a terrible idea. But that’s the wrong approach, as I later learned. See, looser tops are coming back in style, and ain’t nothing wrong with that. And when you have a big billowy top, a boot-cut jean creates the wrong silhouette because the big top creates bulk on top (duh), and the the slight flare of the boot-cut jeans create bulk at the foot. Not a good effect. “flared” jeans are out altogether — I actually get a little bit sad when I see someone wearing flares. They had their day in 1999, but no one listens to Willenium anymore and no one wears flares either. Those days are gone.

– Skinny jeans and a billowy top:

– Skinny jeans: check. What else do I love? Pencil skirts. And for the more adventurous, high-waisted pencil skirts. A great example of trendy and classic at the same time. Make the pencil skirt up-to-date by going skinny — this isn’t your grandma’s pencil skirt.

– I say go for the high-waist. I mean, you gotta commit to the clothes and go all-out if you want to look good sometimes. Let people know you’re wearing pencil skirt. I mean, really know.

–What I’m saying is, don’t half-ass your look.

– And the last thing I love (for now), is scarves. Maybe I’m a copout because neither scarves nor pencil skirts was ever really out. Honestly, they’re just slightly more in. Come one, though. They are great, and now it’s okay to wear them indoors, and they are a great way to add otherwise zany (but fun) colors and patterns to an outfit.

– On prediction I’m making: Pashmina scarves with an exotic paisley print. They are all over Europe right now. They look cute with everything, they are affordable and practical and they are just pretty in themselves. A great accent to a simple outfit. Wearing jeans and a plain T-shirt? Throw a pashimina scarf on top. Instant style.

– God, that was exhausting.